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I’d rather hear her mother sing any day

December 20th, 2008


I am issuing a ban on growth

December 18th, 2008

A Gro-Ban, phthisiatrician if you will. A JOSH Groban.

As some of you might know, drugs I went to a perfoming arts high school, and as one of my only party tricks I like to casually throw out that Josh Groban went to the same school. (it’s better than mentioning Jenna Elfman or Corbin Bleu, both of whom went to LACHSA but not when I was there)

In truth this is practically irrelevant: he was a senior when I was a freshman, and I think the only time I ever spoke with him was when I chose my classes, as he was a TA for the guidance counselor. I’m not even sure I can say he was the most popular guy in school, because I was not even popular enough to know who was popular.

Anyway, I recently told this to a friend of mine who’s a big Groban fan, and so to impress her even more (and prove that I was telling the truth) I scanned all the pictures of him I could find in my freshman yearbook. I was about to delete them, but I thought I might as well throw ‘em up here first in case I need them again…..


Here’s his senior photo – sadly he did not provide a quote. Perhaps it would have read “my sultry voice and classical/pop stylings will make me richer than all you bitches combined.” Also, notice he was a theatre major! NOT a boorish, bourgeoisie theatER major……


From the Musical Theatre page, here’s Josh standing tall in back. They did Fiddler that year, and he was Tevye (of course!)


I really have absolutely no idea what this is. It has no context in the yearbook, was probably from some show, but it’s just hilarious.

Back to doing laundry, dishes, and other decidedly un-fetch things. When is Christmas going to be over, again?

One Boch-ed Up TV Show

December 14th, 2008

(it’ll make sense…..unfortunately)

It’s part of our nature as human beings to find patterns and relationships in everything we see, for sale and this can manifest in imagining what would happen if two normally disparate things combined: like a car that can fly or your high school English teacher having kids with the math teacher (not that one, meningitis the other one….yup). Why, order just the other day I had a hamburger with peanut butter, fried bananas, and bacon on it, proving that cuisine still owes much to this principle. Without it Family Guy would be a 3-minute weekly short about dog grooming and the world would never have experienced the glory of the beloved “That’s What She Said” gag.

These conflations are not always pleasing or amusing – think of pickles and ice cream or all those crass jokes about dead babies and microwave ovens (I mean, really, microwaves have been around long enough that I think we can stop slandering them so….), but I never imagined that such an awkward and vomit-inducing combination as what I found just before Thanksgiving existed not only in people’s minds, but on television for all to see.

I submit into evidence this short clip. At first glance it’s not really a big deal….I mean, sure, the song is weird, the whole thing reeks of the early 90′s, and I’m not sure what they mean by network TV “getting it right” but stick with it through the end and then pause to think about it.

Yes, this is more than just some random clip that’s funny because it’s out of context. No, no, no, my friends, this is but the trailer for an extremely short-lived TV show called “Cop Rock,” the unholy union of the cop drama and the rock musical.

You read it right. This is NYPD Blue meets Jesus Christ Superstar. Here is possibly my favorite clip, in which the idea is taken to its logical extreme: a gospel choir jury.

I’m still not entirely certain how tongue-in-cheek it all was, but considering that in the last episode the not only bid the audience farewell by breaking the fourth wall, but they dance a jig on the rubble and an actual fat lady sings….it’s amazing.

And may I point out that the connection to NYPD Blue is apt-er than you might thought: they were both created by Steven Bochco (hence my geniusly witty post title), who was also responsible for LA Law and Hill Street Blues if I’m not mistaken…..

To close, here are my other favorites: Don’t mess with my pursuit of happiness, Baby merchant, and Let’s be careful out there.

Oh, and here’s that fat lady, btw:

Kaiserslautern fucking machines

December 13th, 2008

is an actual search term someone used on google to find this site. Thank god for bots!

Problem solved

December 12th, 2008

Problem: how do I sum up those nagging concerns we all have about life and its direction, store but only using very cute things that make me happy while they remind my of a universal life truth?

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Yes, that would be the way.

Listen, if I weren’t simultaneously slacking off from about four major responsibilities I would have posted again by now… sorry for the long leave of absence. It’s not you, it’s me…..and if it makes you feel any better the elliptical machine down at the fitness center is feeling the same withdrawl pains as this blog……

(Cute Overload)

Spammers be gone!

December 8th, 2008

I command you!

Yes, order friends. Spam, help that horrible festering monstrosity that trolls the internet like it was a yuletide carol wreaking havoc and sucking down bandwidth has discovered Fetch. Apparently no-one is safe.

I’m referring to the galling number of spam comments this post is getting for whatever reason….they just love the glorious meta of youtube being danced on youtube I guess…..anyway, medications if it keeps up I’ll have to put a CAPTCHA on the comment section, so all of you that have commented will have to decipher a meaningless string of characters to share your wisdom.

In fact, let’s show those spammers what for! You three readers that come even when I don’t bring in the facebook legions, comment away!

p.s. in a bit of good news, Groban is still up!


December 3rd, 2008

Hello again!

Thanksgiving’s come and gone, story and I’m still trying to catch up with all the work I have to do. I have a great post on deck, cystitis but in the meantime I wanted to share this because it’s SO SADDD. Don’t get me wrong, viagra sale it’s actually hilarious, but….you’ll see!

I was expecting a reaction from the election results, but no, this was made before the election, presumably to make a point (which it does rather well) and get people excited about it. Or rather, excited about not supporting it. Also, I’m flabbergasted at how many people were in it. (but couldn’t Margaret Cho have ONE LINE???)

Anyway, I have to do a bunch of work, but before my concert tomorrow I’ll be sure and post the thing I’ve been sitting on all break!! :)

What am I thankful for?

November 27th, 2008

Or, more about more appropriately, approved for what am I thankful? Many sappy things of course (family, friends, The Enabler, life, liberty, &c.) but I’d like to take a moment to discuss a decidedly non-sappy thing for which I’m very thankful, and which I think has a special connection to this very American holiday: TV.

I know I sound like a dullard or an illiterate yokel, but the fact is that TV has brought so much into my life, and I’ve only really realized how much joy it brings since I have to frantically suck it from the internet’s tubes like Christopher Reeve getting stem cells from a fetus. So far our beloved Sanyo CRT is only used to play Wii Fit and play the occasional Netflix DVD we both feel like watching at the same time, and the poor TiVo is just sitting there underneath it, not even plugged in. It’s so sad!

We originally decided to deprive ourselves because our apartment complex only offers DirecTV through a cable, and it’s hilariously expensive. (where was my mother to yell “that’s how they get’cha!!”?) Now however, with the discovery that we might be eligible to get AT&T U-Verse, The Enabler and I are considering breaking our temporary fast and bringing TV back into our lives in the new year. When we were in CT, TiVo was an integral part of our lives, allowing us to watch all sorts of things whenever we wanted….reality shows, Daily/Colbert, comedies and scifi, all whenever we wanted! I don’t think “How It’s Made” ever left our subscriptions page….it was the old standby: there was always one there, you know what you were getting into, and it was always enjoyable. (except for the stupid line-drawn cartoon segments and the occasionally insufferable narrator Brooks More….oh, you haven’t seen it? I’ll stop alienating you now, then.)

What do I miss most? In no particular order: Ace of Cakes (Oh, Duff), The Soup (Oh, Joel), How It’s Made (Oh, Brooks), Star Trek Voyager (Oh, 7 of 9), The X-Files (Oh, OK I’ll stop now), whatever VH1 reality show was in season (I only recently found out about A Real Chance at Love, and completely by accident!!), Mythbusters, Chelsea Lately, Top Chef, Project Runway, and the occasional discovery of new wonders. This discovery is even less of an option now than it was in the strictly regulated TiVocracy of the last two years, but I have managed to add these two shows to my repertoire.

Kath & Kim, a new show based on a popular Australian sitcom featuring Molly Shannon, Selma Blair, and previously fetch-featured John Michael Higgins, is maybe not the brightest star in the galaxy of network television, but I take peculiar pleasure in it. The plots are so-so, the jokes chuckle-worthy, but I find the characters so spot-on that I cannot help but love the show. All it takes is for Molly Shannon to make a face, any face, and I melt. And Higgins’ slightly effeminate portrayal of Kath Day’s fiancĂ© Phil Night (the pilot of both the US and AUS versions leading up to a beautiful pun on their surnames) is constantly entertaining. Like other shows with which I have been obsessed (Arrested Development springs to mind) it’s the little things that keep me coming back – in almost every scene there is a slightly misused or misspoken word or phrase (“Je no say crawl”), some of the outfits are just priceless, and the sheer amount of time they spend at that goddamn mall is so frightening!

Now for Show and Tell! Here, Kath is concerned that her daughter might be gay.

And this clip (from start until 5:20 – just wait for Shannon’s “beyotch” face), which functioned as a promo for the pilot, sums up basically the whole dynamic of the show.

It may not last long, but it’s pretty reliable and easy on the brain. The last five episodes are available on Hulu.

The other (not new) show which I’ve actually grown to love with all my little offensive heart is “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.” I had heard of this show, but was always turned off by Danny Devito being so present in all the promo material (I enjoyed him in Ruthless People, but who else was I supposed to enjoy besides Bette? Judge Rheinhold? And yes, I only remember that bitch’s name because of Arrested Development…….) Turns out the first season does not feature DeVito on screen, and I think is all the better for it… the time he becomes a regular in the second season I was hooked and could basically watch around him to my heart’s content. (it’s not that hard, after all) The premise is like Seinfeld, in the sense that none of the characters are likeable and the show is basically about nothing, but here it’s taken to its rude, crude, reprehensibly ego-centric, and vulgar extreme. It’s most of what I liked about South Park before it got completely message-y, but somehow it’s harder to believe when actual people are acting how you think no one should ever act.

Somehow I can’t think of a particular cogent example…’s the opening scene of the fifth episode: Gun Fever.

Really you should just treat yourself to one of the first season episodes, they are all gems and a good way to get a feel of the show. With the odd exception, all episodes are available on Hulu, but due to content you have to sign up (free!) to affirm your age.

So that’s what I’ve discovered recently, at least in part because of the limitations of my avenues of obtaining entertainment. But of course, this whole re-acquisition of cable thing could just be an exercise in futility, so for a good visualization of this, to cleanse the palette a little, and with hopes that you had a wonderful Thanksgiving, I present the following:

I’m off to visit the fam and go to a wedding, but I’ll see you in December!

Really? I mean, COME on!

November 25th, 2008

I don’t have any words………

In case you can’t read that, decease it says “A collection of semen-based recipes.” Human semen.

So first I screamed, and then I screamed “FAKE!” Sadly, it’s not, or at least it seems that I could pay $24.95 to have one shipped to me. Holy fucking Jesus. Although it’s doubtful any of these pictures are actually of the recipes they describe, it still flabbergasts me to imagine someone coming up (no pun intended) with all these crimes against humanity.

Some highlights of the description and contents (God, I wish I was making this up):
- “semen is inexpensive to produce”
- “this book is written for consenting diners of semen”
- “as long as the semen is fresh and properly harvested, there is little risk of contamination”
- “we strongly recommend that you intentionally not attempt to alter the taste of the semen used in cooking”

Please just go to the link above and browse through some of the recipes……there are also many HILARIOUS comments, some of which touch on the obvious issues, but many of which convey an almost Colbert-like sense of devotion to the character….the one about semen’s place in a fruititarian diet is pure genius. (Also, the author’s name is Fotie Photenhauer….really Fotie? Do you live on 123 Phake Street?)

A quick recap, and more fetch

November 25th, 2008

Just for fun I did a youtube search for “fetch” and then “so fetch.” I’m glad to say that this video was only a few clicks away…..

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Again, from HSM 2. It brought into sharp focus the connection that some review made (I thought it was the New Yorker) to the Judy Garland/Mickey Rooney “Back-yard Musical” series. (Babes in Arms, Strike up the Band, Babes on Broadway, &c…..never seen ‘em? Try this on for size for dialogue. Or this for music. But try and forget about this.) I mean, the Busby Berkeley-esque synchronized swimming shot from above is pretty specific, but more generally they’re fun romps about young love and that indescribable human need to put on a show. (the practically engrish tagline for Babes in Arms was “The big musical fun show!” If that doesn’t sum up HSM I don’t know what does……)

This song is my favorite from the movie, so I’m glad that youtube thinks it’s fetch too (the first commenter opines that “ashley is sucj a goos actresse”). It’s not quite as good as its counterpart in HSM3 (sadly only available in a pastiche version, but you get the idea….) but it’s unabashedly honest and off-message, which I appreciate in a film otherwise drenched in the old-fashioned feel-good-ery that made their forebears so charming, but ultimately feeling horribly dated.

You know what’ll never get old, though? This other kind of fetch:

I love how for a while it’s someone practicing in the other room, and then it switches to clearly a recording of better quality and with an appreciable reverb.

  • About

    Things. People. Places. The movers and shakers that make it happen. Fetch, that is. What's Fetch? Maybe this will help explain. Dedicated to LQ and her fierceness.